Mega Takes A Mental Vacation

So two (all?) of my readers text me this morning in regards to my lack of posting.

I am in a creative slump. And I am finding technology and the 8 millions ways we use it to communicate increasingly taxing.

And after weeks of decent sleep, I didn't sleep much last night and my entire being is being a gigantic wimp about it. You would think I had never suffered a poor night's sleep before. HA!

Mostly I am just trying to figure out a way to de-stress and recharge without letting responsibilities slide. I love how I say that like my responsibilities haven't been sliding downhill since.....umm the inception of responsibility in my life?

I have had a lot going on. And I have a lot coming up. And I am trying to get through it rather than do what I really want to do, which is hide under my bed and never, ever come out.

Flashback Thursday

Would you like to know how many dance classes I have taken over the years? Well enough that I should be a better dancer than I am. Let's just leave it at that.

Here are a few old blurry(thankfully) photographs:

I am the one in the middle. This was a dance to the song "Uptown Girl."

All of that explains why this video made my laugh loud and heartily:

Hair Product Awesomeness

So I forgot that I had a sample of Phytodefrisant Botanical Hair Relaxing Balm from Sephora. 

I came across it the other day and decided to use it and GOODNIGHT MY HAIR FEELS AWESOME!!!!

It is sofity soft with the softness of a thousand babies, kittens, and bunnies. It is softer than the adorable little face of that mini baby donkey at Grant's Farm that I wanted to take home with me that one time but didn't because my nephew, Rah Rah, said, "Aunt Meghaun, where would the baby miniature donkey poop?"

As the mature, responsible adult of the group, I told my nephew not to worry because, of course, I would keep the baby miniature donkey with the soft fur and sweet eyes at his house. And it would poop there. Rah Rah was not pleased with this solution and so I must go through life without what surely would have been the best pet ever in the history of pets. It's sort of like the time I wanted to keep a pygmy hippo and a manatee in my bathtub. Logic is cruel to me and my pet dreams.

So I was talking about hair care products. This blog has never netted me any kind of money, promotional products, or any real benefits whatsoever (except for sweet emails, comments, and such) so it is without bias that I say I highly recommend this product. For real. I color my hair and so it does get a little (okay a lot) dried out and crazy on me. This was just what the doctor ordered.


Bonus:

LOOK AT THE BABY DONKEY!!!!!!!

Much Love Monday: Nutella

Breakfast

Day Tripper ~ Beatles

Family Vacation Memories.

So as I was reviewing my mental files on family trips and vacations, I realized that a lot of it is hazy. I just have little moments. Things like this:

We are in Wisconsin. Camping. In a tent. Like always. But this time we have a hammock hung between two trees. I am lying in the hammock thinking that this is what vacations should always feel like. The memory of hanging in that hammock stays with me as one of the few moments in my life I actually achieve a state of relaxation. I could have stayed there forever.

We are in Michigan. Camping. In a tent. Like always. But this time it is in a campsite we have to hike to get to on the side of a hill. The car is down the hill. 1/2 a mile away. It is the middle of the night. A park ranger bangs on the side of the tent. He tells us there is a bad storm. We might want to seek cover. We don't. It pours. Not a pleasant camping experience. Sadly, not even our worst camping experience.

Because this is the worst. We are in Kansas. On our way to somewhere. Wyoming? Colorado? Camping. In a tent. Like always. Except this time there is a tornado. We take refuge in our car. We are all scared. There is a lake within view. I see a buoy getting tossed around like it weighs less than a rubber duckie. I am sure our tent will be blowing away any minute. It does not.

We go to Niagara Falls. I find it exhilarating. No one wants to go any closer with me because you get too wet. Spray from the falls. I do not want to go by myself. Disappointment.

We are at Wall Drug Store in Wall, South Dakota. I am 18. I am looking at a baby name book. I don't know why. I see an entry that says, "Meghan, from the book The Thorn Birds." I show my mom and say, "The character in the book spells her name M-E-G-H-A-N, not M-E-G-H-A-U-N. I thought that was where you got the spelling of my name?" My mom says, "Oops."  Oprah and I both have names that are the product of a misspelling. Since we have so much in common, I think she should have me on one last episode of "Oprah's Favorite Things" before her show goes off the air. I haven't broached the subject with Oprah. I think she would agree.

We are driving home from Edisto Island, South Carolina. We are in our Toyota mini-van. The windows in the back of the slide wide open rather than just crack open like most mini-vans. One of my sisters vomits lemonade shake-up out this window. She can not stand to drink the stuff to this day.

We are driving to the East Coast. My little sisters are young. Old enough to handle going to the bathroom without an adult but they always go together (safety in numbers). They go frequently and they take forever. We start teasing them. What are they doing? Running bathroom inspections on every bathroom from Illinois to Massachusetts? It becomes a running joke on the vacation. We call it the "bathroom tour." We ask for reports on the cleanliness and amenities of each bathroom. They play along. It is a fun family joke.

We go to Walden Pond. We see Louisa May Alcott's and Edgar Allen Poe's graves. We call it the "Dead Poets' Society" vacation.

We are in Edisto Island, SC with my aunt & uncle. My uncle earns the nickname, "Uncle BI." This stands for Uncle Bad Influence. We spend a lot of time yelling, "Bango!" at one another.

"Don't talk to anybody! Don't look at anybody! JUST! LOOK! OUT! THE! WINDOW!" And that is why I can quietly stare out the window for hours. And why when we drive out to Wyoming, I do nothing but stare out the window. My mind is trying to grasp how the sky can possibly look so much bigger in the West than it does in the Midwest.

We went to Chicago a lot. I have seen an amazing Monet exhibit at the Art Institute in Chicago, but what sticks with me is American Windows by Marc Chagall. I love American Windows. A lot. I also love the Isabella Stuart Gardner museum in Boston, another family vacation memory. We walked there! It was way too far away to walk! There starts my John Singer Sargant love.

Confessions ~ Usher (Volume 9)

1. When I see something in my Google Reader that I know I will be pinning on pinterest, in my head I say, "PINNING" just like Charlie Sheen would say "WINNING" and then I chuckle. I amuse myself.

2. I try to not talk about my job too much/ever (don't all longtime Dooce readers abide by this?), but days like yesterday are my favorite at work. Why? Because they are the kind of days where my boss and I both can not accomplish what we need to get accomplished because technology is clearly against us. We both slam around the office muttering and grumbling. One day technology is going to push us both just a little too far and we will both go totally Office Space on all of the machines in the office. In fact, it is beyond shocking that the copier survived yesterday. I enjoy these rare moments of my boss and I being on the same page.

3. One of my favorite new blogs is Whims and Fancies, by Dizzy Lizzy. I happen to think she is wickedly funny.  I commented on her blog the other day and her comment back to me really inflated my ego.  Three seconds later, I stepped on the edge of my maxi skirt and fell flat on my face. Ego deflated.

4. I subscribe to 227 blogs in my Google Reader. Might be time to do a little review/clean up. Also, major pet peeve is blogs that don't have the full blog post show up. That just show the first paragraph and then you have to click to the site to read the whole post. Those blogs always get unsubscribed to because it is so annoying.

5. I finally got a bed frame and last night when I climbed into bed I was totally scared that 1. I would fall out of bed or 2. the bed frame would break and fall apart on me. Like I had trouble falling asleep, I was so worried about falling out of bed. Sad, right?

6. I have several noticeable bruises on my legs. I don't know how I got them. Matter of concern?

7. It's a miracle that this blog doesn't just have one post every day that says, "I love Anthony Hamilton's music."  I decide at least once a week that I need to do a post about Anthony Hamilton and then I remember that I already have. Such is my obsession. In a similar vein, Maxwell twitterpated some intriguing things about the new album. Giving me hope that it will actually be released in the near future. I hope he knows not to toy with my emotions.

I am going to attempt to do some posts this weekend. Especially the mythical family vacation memories post I keep promising. That being said,  I might get caught up in the 18,000 other things I could potentially be doing and not post at all. Either way, have an ab fab weekend. And please, please, please tell me that when I use the phrase "ab fab" you immediately see two completely insane British women in garish clothing in your mind's eye.

San Francisco Bay Blues ~ Eric Clapton, Part 2

San Francisco seems to have more stylish people per capita than anywhere else I have been lately.  I saw more drool-worthy pairs of riding boots than I could handle. I wanted to channel The Sartorialist and take pictures of all the chic women in attractive riding boots. Or perhaps knock them out and steal the boots right off their feet. But how do you check the size in advance? Life is full of challenges. 

Alas, I took no riding boot pictures. Here is what I do have for you: 

Work It ~ Missy Elliott

The problem with road trips is that I think too much. I am, at heart, not a meditator. A thinker. I like to plunge and deal with consequences as they come. My mind too easily spins out of control. Thinking for me leads do inaction. Paralyzed by options and possible outcomes. 

Road trips inevitably lead to thinking. As Gaston so famously said, "Lafu I'm afraid I've been thinking - a dangerous pastime I know." 

Today I was having a text conversation with someone that for some reason, found me divulging things I don't generally divulge. That I skated, scammed, and cheated my way through high school. The notable exception being in any English class. The result was that by the time that I got to college, regardless of test scores that claimed I was capable of otherwise, I was so ill equipped to handle higher academia that I dropped out because it was less humiliating than failing out. Or taking that god-forsaken history class with the professor that looked like Dom De Luise one. more. time.  

Why did I keep taking the same history class over and over knowing that I had failed it previously? Because I knew I was smart enough to pass it if I could just make my lazy, undisciplined, failure self go to class regularly. Work harder. Work smarter. Be perfect. Or at least not be the mess I consistently seem(ed) to be. 

There is a post on this blog where I mention being filled with self-loathing. I talked to my dad after he read that post and he said, "I don't know why you would loathe yourself!" 

Why do any of God's creations loathe themselves?  Maybe it's because I still have not passed that stupid history class. Or that time I didn't capitalize the word English in an essay about why I wanted to be an English teacher. Or maybe it was all those times that I just could not force myself to do what I knew needed to be done. Or maybe it's my complete lack of desire to ever attend college again because I know that not one thing has changed in me. I still would skip class. And not do the assignments. And be ever more filled with self-loathing that for reasons I can not fathom, I can not make myself do that which I can not make myself do. 

At the end of my stint in college, I had an on-campus job that I loved. I realized that I, in general, loved working. I realized I was in school for my job and no other reason. That I would not have the job when I failed out. By this time I had stopped attending even the English classes, so lacking I was in self-discipline, motivation, clear thinking abilities, organization skills, time management, impulse control(the weather is beautiful, I will now drive the Great River Road! At this minute! At the expense of all else! And in the face of a million logical reasons not to do such a silly thing!). But I rarely missed work. 

And now I remember why I started divulging these things. My friend was telling me his ridiculous work schedule. A 14 hour day clung to him like a badge of honor. And I was jealous. Jealous that I was stuck in a car thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking. And he had been blissfully working and working and working. How I would prefer to work myself into oblivion! 

During the ending of my marriage there was no such thing as too much work. I would put in ten and twelve hour office days without batting an eye. I didn't care about the hour long commute. I took on a part-time job in addition to my full time one. I would change into my uniform for my second job in their cruddy bathroom because I had come directly from my first job. I didn't care if I got paid overtime. On some level, I probably did not care if I ever got paid at all.  I didn't care about anything but being swept away by my work. I wore those long days like badges of honor too. 

I work a lot less these days. I have not worked more than 30 hours in a week in almost a year now. Paid hours, anyway. I am trying to focus on volunteer work. It has been rough. Financially. But more than that. I am more than ever coming up against the same demons that drove me out of college. Poor self-discipline. No motivation. Easily distracted. Disorganized. Bad time management. Not enough work to keep me from thinking. Not enough structure that I feel compelled to at least put forth a pretense of "having it togetherness." If that makes sense.  


Right here, right now, I would absolutely kill to do nothing but work and work and work and work.

Have anything you need me to do? 

San Francisco Bay Blues ~ Eric Clapton

Want to know what my favorite part of my trip to San Francisco was?

Without a doubt, it would be the blond on the left there. That's my cousin, Lucy. She and I had forgotten how much we like each other. We like each other. Her friends are pretty great too. Also she introduced me to the food trucks at the Fort Mason Center. Which means that in a very vague and indirect way she is responsible for the introducing me to "Si Por Favor" which is balsamic vinegar strawberry and Nutella creme brulee. Real talk: That stuff is amazing. Lick the tiny little aluminum container amazing.

Much Love Monday: Blood, Bones, and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton

In my defense, it is just shy of 10 PM on Monday evening in Tucson. So this is still a totally legit Much Love Monday post.

I just finished a book. It's called Blood, Bones, and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton. I liked it. A lot. Gabrielle Hamilton runs a restaurant in New York called Prune. This book is her story. I found it to be honest and unflinching. Interesting and fascinating. Sometimes I found her hard to like. Sometimes I was touched. And the only critical words I have to say are, it seems like the last few chapters lost momentum. But the rest of the book? Totally captivating. 

That's what I am loving this Monday-the completion of a good book. 

I will be trying to catch up on my blog reading this week. Slowly but surely. Hopefully, as I make my way through my blog reader, I will discover what you were loving this Monday too. 

As always, even this late in the day, join in the fun or see what everyone else is loving over at Anna's blog by clicking on the button below. 

Circle the Drain ~ Katy Perry

It should surprise no one who knows me that I have put almost everything off to the last minute and now am about to have a massive meltdown. All because I hate packing so much. And because of adult ADD/ADHD. It applies to everything people! And even though I am getting on my own nerves by constantly saying it, I just can't seem to stop myself.

At any rate, I leave tonight for San Francisco. I am driving, or rather riding. In a station wagon. With 4 other people. And now I will get to see if I have PTSD from every family vacation ever or if all those years of of forced riding in very close proximity with my sisters for days on end has taught me how to handle this very situation.

 In the meantime, if I don't get a chance to blog, have a fantastic weekend and let's meet back here Monday and discuss. Or disqus, I guess, since I installed the new commenting system. If I do get a chance to blog: Your welcome! or I'm sorry! Pick which one applies and go with that.

Oh hey! Do you know what would be SO COMPLETELY AWESOME??????? Leave me a family vacay story in the comments. And when I come back, I will tell you some of mine. Lucky Kentucky! You get to hear my vacay stories!

Life's Big Questions

Why can't the sexy voiced Marques Houston and Omarion have fellow sexy voiced John Legend's songwriting talent? Then I would actually be able to listen to more than 5 of their songs(collectively, not individually). Although honestly, I am pretty sure that I could die happy if the only three decent songs John Legend ever put out were "Save Room," "PDA (We Just Don't Care)," and "Slow Dance." I listen to those three songs over and over and you get the idea.

Ironic much? A month or so ago, I wrote a post about having patience and faith. You will never read that post. Why? A week after I wrote it, the situation I wrote it about was not exactly the way I wanted it to be. I flipped out and deleted the post.

When did eMusic get such a wide, mainstream music selection? Two Door Cinema Club: to be expected. Brand new Chris Brown: Wow! They actually have that?


Any and all fashion bloggers, do you think you could stop by my house tonight and help me solve an outfit dilemma?  I have a couple of different options to complete this one outfit for an event and I can't decide.

It gets so hot so quickly here in Tucson that I forget what cooler weather feels like. Is 58 degrees and cloudy jacket/sweater weather or coat weather? I will be in San Francisco this weekend and I don't want to be cold, because I want to enjoy some sightseeing, but I don't want to pack any bulkier than I have to for this trip.