Not Like the Movies ~ Katy Perry

Once upon a time, I used to see almost all newly released movies. Going to the movies was a very regular activity for me.

These days I rarely go to the movies or rent movies.

So my sister asked me if I had gone to see Super 8.  And I said no.

And she was all, "You totally should."

And I was all, "I totally won't. I don't do those type of movies"

And she was all, "It's like E.T.!"

And I was all, "Yeah, I have never watched E.T. all the way through because I flipping HATE that movie! I don't like alien movies, except for like Transformers or Star Wars or Signs. I also don't do disaster movies or earth being destroyed movies."

And she was all, "Yeah I probably wouldn't bother with Super 8 then."

And I was all, "Totally never was going to bother with it in the first place."

So Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I went to see Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon. I didn't realize I was until it was too late and my ticket had been purchased. When I agreed to see it opening night, I assumed that I was agreeing to a Thursday night. I was not. The problem was that I had just developed a really fun and fantastic summer cold on Tuesday and had decided that I would cuddle up with some cold medications and call it an early night. Instead, I probably ruined the movie for everyone within 10 feet of me due to my constant sniffling and nose blowing.

Despite such inauspicious circumstances, I enjoyed the movie. Minus the 10 or 15 minutes of the movie where it felt more like a disaster/alien/the earth and humans will be destroyed movie. If it was a Star Wars movie it would be most like Empire Strikes Back which I refuse to watch and instead just skip to Return of the Jedi. Because along with alien, disaster, earth ending, demonic, horror, and slasher movies, I also don't like movies where the bad guys succeed more than I would like.

Oh and before you go believing that I am strictly a romantic comedy kind of girl, let me just tell you that I think most of the romantic comedies that have been released in the past 5-10 years have been completely stupid and overly cheesy.

Wow! Am I persnickety or what?

But back to Transformers. I know that since Megan Fox is such an AMAZE-BALLS actress, you have all been really, really stressing about whether or not the new chicky-chick could fill her Oscar-caliber shoes. She can. Breathe a sigh of relief on that one. Also, remember how in the second Transformers you got annoyed because the parents were just way too much? They have been severely toned down and scaled back. Less is more.

Meg's Mind is to Roger Ebert as Megan Fox is to Meryl Streep.

Much Love Monday: Milka

Today I want you all to do something really awesome for yourself. I want you to go to World Market and buy this:

Image via milk.de


Do not go and buy anything else. Just buy this exact candy bar.


You are welcome.

Also to my "cousin" Petra, thank you for bringing this candy bar into my life!!

Speedin' ~ Omarion

I had a lovely chat with my friend, Cydney, the other day and one of the positive items she mentioned about her recent move from Tucson to Portland was that she has yet to see a traffic accident. Does that seem usual? Normal? Unworthy of special note?

That is because you have never lived in Tucson.

I spent over 5 years of my life commuting in rush hour traffic from Metro East Illinois to St. Louis, Missouri. I saw accidents. Plenty of accidents. 

I never saw anything like what I see here in Tucson.

First of all, 95% of the accidents I saw in Illinois/Missouri were highway accidents. Tucson has no highways. 100% of the accidents I have seen here take place in somewhat busy intersections. Intersections that are controlled by traffic lights.

Second of all, a majority of the time, accidents that I saw in Illinois/Missouri were easy to understand. Weather conditions, lack of attention,etc. You would see the accident and think to yourself, "Oh man! Somebody wasn't paying attention." or "You have to slow down when it is snowing like this!" or "Oooo, blind spot!" The accidents are understandable. I have yet to see an accident in Tucson that I can in any way, shape, or form make sense of the chain of events that led to such a mess. I am always left thinking, "How is that even POSSIBLE?" or "Do people here just drive with their eyes closed??" or "Are traffic lights THAT confusing?"

Third of all, Illinois and Missouri frequently have weather conditions that excuse/explain accidents. An accident that seems like a case of horrifically bad driving quickly becomes a case of unfortunate circumstances when heavy rain, sleet, snow, fog, etc. is factored in. 99.9% of the time, Tucson has absolutely perfect driving conditions.

In St. Louis, if you see a car has wrapped itself around a traffic light that is posted up in the median, you can bet good money that slippery road conditions were also present. Drivers in St. Louis do not just randomly slam their cars into traffic light posts. They can clearly see the traffic light posts and make concerted efforts to avoid slamming into them. Not so in Tucson. There are no slippery road conditions. There are no visibility issues. There are just drivers who apparently do randomly just slam their cars into traffic light posts. Easily avoidable traffic light posts.

I like to invent back stories for such accidents. See what had happened was......she was getting ready to turn right onto Pantano from Broadway when suddenly her gas light came on and at the same time her phone rang and then she accidentally spilled hot coffee in her lap and since it is 110 degrees outside and the coffee was 90 degrees that means that her lap suddenly hit 200 degrees and she couldn't decide if she should continue straight on Broadway to the Circle K to get ice for her lap, a refill for her coffee, and more gas or go ahead and turn right on Pantano and go home and in her panic and confusion she ran into the traffic light post.

Also, you know it is bad driving when I criticize it. For reals, I am a terrible driver. And yet, I feel fairly confident that I am one of the better drivers of Tucson.

Because This Is My Life: Two Months of Anticipation Wasted

Y'all know how I am a borderline fanatical stalker of Maxwell right? I like to read his Tweets and pretend they are just for me, etc.  So a while back he tweeted that he was going to be doing VH1 Storytellers and it would air on Friday, June 17th. I immediately burned that date into my head as VASTLY IMPORTANT.  I made a solemn vow to myself that on June 17th I would do nothing but glue myself to my television and drool and cheer and shed pathetic fanatical tears over Maxwell. He is my Paul McCartney. Except mine is way sexier. Scientific fact.

People tried to ensnare me into plans for that evening but I resisted. And then there was Monica. Who wanted to do a girls' night at 10 PM. I carefully reviewed my local TV listings, found that Maxwell's Storytellers episode would air at 8 PM and calculated that I could properly enjoy Maxwell AND the girls' night.  I confirmed with Monica and even confirmed with another attendee that I would give them a ride.

So you can imagine my horror, dismay, hopelessness, and whatever other negative, unhappy emotions you would like to toss into the list when at 8 PM it became clear that Maxwell's Storytellers episode was NOT starting. I don't know where the communication breakdown between the Cox Communications TV listings and I happened exactly, but the bottom line was, the TV EVENT OF MY YEAR did not start until 10 PM.

Let's pause for a nice long cry, shall we?

All is not lost. I watched it online at VH1.com and it was all I had ever dreamed and more.

Proof:

Tags: Maxwell Storytellers, Maxwell

So this was what I had planned for Much Love Monday. And now it is Wednesday. Because This Is My Life.

Stop the World ~ Maxwell

Tonight is a big night for me. Which makes my life that much sadder. If y'all don't know to what I refer, tune in Monday for an explanation. And the return of Much Love Monday.

Please don't get too curious. Totally not worth all that.

Vocabulary Lessons for Everyone! Volume 3

I really wish I understood how my mind works. If anyone should understand it, it should be me.

For instance, why did I walk into my office at work today and have a sudden, urgent need to know what the term "self-aggrandizing" means?

I have not heard the term or read the term recently. I just walked into my office, it popped into my head, and I had to know.

Now I do:

Via: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/

self-ag·gran·dize·ment (slf-grndz-mnt)


n.

The act or practice of enhancing or exaggerating one's own importance, power, or reputation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
self-ag·grandizing (--grndzng) adj.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Thesaurus Legend: Synonyms Related Words Antonyms


Adj. 1. self-aggrandizing - of or relating to or characteristic of self-aggrandizement

self-aggrandising

2. self-aggrandizing - exhibiting self-importance; "big talk"

boastful, braggart, bragging, braggy, cock-a-hoop, crowing, self-aggrandising, big

proud - feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth; or being a reason for pride; "proud parents"; "proud of his accomplishments"; "a proud moment"; "proud to serve his country"; "a proud name"; "proud princes"

Based on WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. © 2003-2008 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.




Now we all know. Let's all look for opportunities to use it in conversation. People will think we are so smart! And then when they ask you how you got so smart, you can say, "Meg's Mind!"

And that's not self-aggrandizing. That's me tricking you into aggrandizing for me. hehehehehehehe 

See what I just did there?

Okay good.

Meg's Mind Summer Essentials

For no reason whatsoever, I decided that Jules voted for this one in the Choose Your Own Adventure poll. Seriously, no reason. Except that she and I both have a similar love for products and if she was doing a list of summer essentials I would be all about it. So Jules, if you're reading, this one is for you. Whether you wanted it to be or not.

1. My Starbucks Venti Cold Cup. I am sure there are other insulated cold cups that work just as well, but this is the one I have. I kinda live and die by it. It is, bar none, the most effective way to make sure I drink lots and lots of water. I drink roughly 3x more water than I normally would when I use this glass.  I have sworn by it for two whole summers now. It keeps my water cooler for much longer than it would stay in a regular plastic bottle. Vital for desert summers. It also doesn't sweat and leave water rings on tables and such.

Image/link for purchase.

2. Itsy bitsy teeny weeny extra cheapy Target bikini.  Cheap, lots of fun colors, patterns, shapes, etc. I despise tan lines and like to hang out by the pool in the late afternoons. Here is the one I have.  I have the luxury of having access to pools that are almost always empty so I don't have to overly concern myself with modesty or whether or not my body belongs in a bikini. I always have a more "public friendly" swimsuit for when it is needed.

3. Lip Balm. Here is what I am using and liking a lot.  I got it at Wal-Greens. For some reason, I didn't like it at first. Now I love it.


4. Car sun shades. MAJOR Tucson necessity. Mine look kind of like this:

Via Amazon.com

5. A good anti-perspirant. I can not tell a lie. I rarely found the need to wear anti-perspirant back in Illinois. Maybe I should have, I don't know. Times have changed.  I always use Dove and this is the one I am using right now:

Image Via/Product Info

6. Sunglasses. Kind of a no-brainer. Last summer I had a bunch of pairs in different colors and styles that I would switch to match my "look."  I have lost/broken some of them and now mainly just wear a pair of cheap Wal-Mart Foster Grants. I currently don't have room for a new pair in my budget.

Aspirationally, I think that nothing beats a nice pair of aviators. For example:

Via Sunglass Hut. Versace Aviators

I also like to have a pair that my hair won't wind and tangle around (like it most certainly would with the aviators). For example:

Via Sunglass Hut. Bvlgari

7. Shorts/Tank Tops/Flip Flops. AKA my Tucson summer uniform.  In my 20's I stopped wearing shorts almost entirely. Truly, you can easily survive life in Illinois and Missouri with no shorts. Arizona schooled me on the importance of shorts. I would DIE with out lightweight, easy, breezy shorts and skirts here in Tucson.  For public viewing, I have a pair of Tommy Hilfiger khaki shorts or a pair of self-made jean shorts that I pair with Target tank tops and Old Navy flip flops (the only flip flops that exist in my opinion). In private, I swap the khaki shorts for Target pajama shorts. If I am not dressed up for work or meetings or service (which to be honest covers 85% of my time), that is what I will be wearing all summer long.

8. The smallest amount of makeup possible. This is fairly easy for me because I rarely wear makeup at all. Because I am lazy, not because I don't need it. But if you want to look your best and you have to face more than 3 milliseconds of desert heat (my approximation at how long it takes for the makeup to start melting off your face) here is what I suggest:

Sephora Atomic Volume Mascara. I have tried many mascaras. This is the only one that has REALLY impressed me.


Via Sephora.com



I have issues with this next product's packaging, but it is a light coverage powder foundation with SPF 15. It does its job and does it well. Sadly my powder got broken up and now instead of being a neat and easy pressed powder is an ungodly mess. Such is life.

Via Sephora.com

Lightly dust some of this across your cheeks for a soft glow:



Via Sephora.com

Lastly, I have decided that Korres Cherry Full Color Lip Gloss is to die for due to the cherry oil. I want it in basically every color available.

Via Sephora.com

With these four products, you can establish an "I sort of attempted to look decent today" look. Bonus, I purposely picked products that would not melt in your car or your purse.


So that is my summer essential list. What am I missing? Sunscreen? Yeah, I know but if I am being honest I never use the stuff. What are your summer essentials?


Gag Me Lady Gaga

Because My Baby Sister's Vote Is More Important Than Yours.

Just for Rita. My baby sister. And partner in cheesy pop loving crime.

Lady Gaga makes me gag-a.

Clever, right? Don't be jealous. I got skillz.

Here's the deal: I actually enjoy Lady Gaga's previous works. JUST DANCE gonna be okay! I enjoy bad, cheesy pop music. Rita and I refer to Britney Spears as "Brit, Brit" and text each other random Brit Brit lyrics. We listened to the Blackout Album over and over. I love Rihanna. I totally get psyched when K-Dolla Sign-Ha sings to me about my love being her drug and how she and I totally are who we are.

Now that you know the ugly truth and I have totally undermined my own ability to give an intelligent opinion or criticism of music, I will now continue to give you my thoughts on the new Lady Gaga music.

1. If I like bad, cheesy pop and I dislike all of Lady Gaga's new music, does that mean it is good pop? I hope not.

2. So the prosthetics on her face? The bumps? She, in fact, was NOT born that way. So when she says, "born this way" she really means not at all born that way. At all. No, seriously, she wasn't born that way. She added those. Later. For attention. Attention to her Madonna song. It's a Madonna song. I know it. You know it. We all know it.

3. "Edge of Glory." Not slow enough to be a slow song. Not fast enough to dance. What am I supposed to do with it? Just listen? Ugh, boring.  Also, "Born This Way" doesn't make me want to dance either. Unforgivable cheesy pop crime.

4. Gaga is legitimately talented. Listen to "Speechless" from the Fame Monster. She truly does not need the attention grabbing antics. She could show up in jeans and a t-shirt, sit her butt down at the piano, play, and sing. The end. Her and Christina Aguilera both drive me completely crazy with their weirdness. Let's be honest: Ke$sha and Brit Brit NEED to grab attention because they are not really that talented. Gaga and Christina have talent. Their talent is enough. They both sing these songs about acceptance and being who you are and then they both seem to go completely out of their way to put themselves in the spotlight for trashy, weird, creepy, sad behavior. I don't get that. It seems so disingenuous.

5. Gagites. I just made that term up for Lady Gaga extreme fans. I saw on tv these teeny-bopper fans being interviewed outside her concert. They all had made themselves look EXACTLY LIKE HER and they all gave little speeches about how Gaga gave them freedom to be themselves. Ummmm... wait... uhhh... huh?  Really? Babies, in ten or twenty years, you are going to be really embarrassed about that look. Ask Flock of Seagulls fans. Or Madonna-ites. Also, one girl said that, before Gaga, she would never have walked around town in just a leotard and now she totally is comfortable with it. Lady Gaga says, "Your welcome." The rest of us say, "Pants are our friend! Please, put some on!"

6. "Judas." Oh Lady G. No one has ever made not so veiled religious references for shock value. You are so fresh! Where is the sarcasm font when I need it???

Full disclosure: I can only comment on the three radio singles because I haven't listened to the whole album. Fun fact: If I don't like the first three radio singles, I am probably not gonna bother with the album. I did, however, purchase "Fame Monster" when it came out. So I am not hatin' just for the sake of hatin'.

2 + 2 = 4.......Right?

THE READERS HAVE SPOKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or Becca voted over and over again. Not sure.

How do you figure math in your head?

Calculations have always been somewhat difficult for me.

So this one time I was in the car with someone, driving along Highway 162. I don't know why I remember the road so specifically, but I do.

And this person and I started talking budget and bills.

And I was called upon to figure a sum.  In my head. I couldn't even use my fingers! Cuz they were on the steering wheel.

And it took me awhile. And then I still figured the sum incorrectly. And so then I figured some more. And then I got it right. But the whole thing took awhile.

Which led to a conversation(full blown angry argument) about how I figure sums in my head. Apparently, I figure them incorrectly-even when I get the sum correct.

 But MEG runs Meg's Mind. And Meg's Mind will calculate math however it dang pleases.

Here is how Meg's Mind does arithmetic:

Say you ask me what 7 x 6 is. I have the vague memorized belief that 7 x 6 = 42. But I am not sure about that. At all. So I would never automatically answer 42. Instead I would determine a close by equation that I am sure of, like 7 x 5. Positive it equals 35. And then I would think 35 + 7 is kind of difficult to add up. But I do know that 5 + 2 = 7 and 35 + 5 = 40 and 40 + 2 = 42. So after I thought that all through, I would definitively tell you that 7 x 6 is indeed 42.

Similarly, I believe that 6 + 7 = 13, but if you asked me to quickly tell you what 6 + 7 equals, I would first quickly run through my head that I know that 7 + 3 = 10 and that 3 more is 13.

Also, I think that we should all be under the metric system. I am really, really comfortable with systems based on 10's. Jus' Sayin'

Also. it used to really irk me when math teachers told you(me) that you figured a problem incorrectly even though you ended up with the correct answer. YOU GOT THE CORRECT ANSWER! HOW COULD IT BE WRONG??

I recently polled a vast amount of people (2) and they agreed to the following things:
1. I am alone in not automatically feeling confident that 7 x 6 = 42.
2. As long as I can figure it in my head in less than 4 seconds, it doesn't matter how I figure it.

So I am wrong. But not.

Talk to me people: How do you do calculations in your head? How much math is automatically stored in your memory?

As previously stated, I am prone to bursts of anger towards people who criticize my way of calculating math. I still despise my 5th grade math teacher. Comment with caution.

Happy Monday!

Choose Your Own Adventure

Remember Choose Your Own Adventure books? 

I, personally, did not care for them because sometimes you chose unwisely and the adventure ended in an unsatisfying manner. I like my plots forced on me. Books should be a dictatorship, not a democracy.

But today, this blog is going to actually care about what you THE READER wants from this blog.

Vote for my next blog post. To be posted whenever I feel like posting it.

Look! A democracy and a dictatorship all rolled into one.

This is the Icy Hot of blogs.

poll by twiigs.com

Shape of My Heart ~ Sting

The one thing that I really "collect" is decks of playing cards. I love to play cards. I have lots of fond family and friends memories of playing cards.  I can occasionally whoop some serious behind in Spades. Assuming that my brother-in-law, Gil, is not my partner. (Note to Gil: DO NOT OVER BID BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT I CHRONICALLY UNDER BID!) Not gonna lie, that is a lot of parenthetical emoting when I haven't been Gil's card partner in, like, years. I might have a hard time letting go.

I try to buy souvenir decks of cards whenever I travel as little keepsakes of my trips. I also like to pick up unique or special decks of cards when I come across them. 

When I found these via Design*Sponge, I was instantly smitten. 

Also, it sent me searching all over Pinterest and the rest of the Internet for cool decks of cards. I found Russian nesting doll decks during my search. Could there possibly be anything better?  No. There could not. 

Reason # 857 why I never accomplish anything practical.