Because This Is My Life: A Dramatic Pause

This is what happened:

Last night as I am walking out of Russian Bible Study, I happen upon Corrina (from the Republic of Georgia and a native Russian-speaker) oohing and aahing over the most adorable Liam. Liam is being held by his grandmother.

I say to Corinna, "Isn't he SO cute?"

To which she replies, "No!"

Instantly my head starts spinning. Did she just say an adorable child was non-adorable in front of his grandmother?!?! Social awkwardness ahoy! Must escape!

As it turns out, she had not finished her statement. Unconcerned about the social panic spiral that was written all over my face, she had decided to pause to search for her English words.

What she said next was: "Cute is not enough! I do not know the English word for it. I know the Russian word for it. But cute is just not enough!" 

She looks at her friend, a fellow native Russian speaker and says, "eesmuchko smushki smush."  Or something like that, which I translate to mean, "look at the adorable lil babykins I just wanna kiss his lil cheeks!"

And then her friend had to literally drag her away from the baby because Corinna was so enthralled by his more than cuteness.

But that dramatic pause? I swear to you it shaved a year off of my life.

Funnoodles aka Fanoodles.

So when Rita and I are feeling all weak and pathetic and energy-less, we call it feeling like a fanoodle or funnoodle or sometimes we say fanoodily.

As it turns out, I may have solved the problem of the fanoodles/funnoodles. Protein.

Rita, next time you are feeling fanoodily, try a Larabar. I recommend the Key Lime or Lemon Pie kind. Or maybe the chocolate peanut butter. Or a Pure Organics bar in Apple. Not entirely untasty and an instant cure.

My friend Keva has been giving me the "your diet needs more protein" speech for months now and I didn't believe her but I obeyed her to SHUT HER UP ALREADY. As it turns out, she was right. I have started adding lean protein into my diet at each meal and it has made a world of difference.

Shelley, if you are reading this, I have already told Keva she was right and we don't want her turning into a smug little monster so don't tell her I said she was right on my blog. Much appreciated!

Rita, I will not give you any "your diet needs......" lectures because I know they can be annoying. But you might keep a bar in your purse just in case.

Sierra Vista Hipstamatic

THXTHXTHX

So I read THXTHXTHX regularly. Here is why I should not maintain a blog of thank you notes:


Dear BMW in front of me in traffic,

Thanks for not having working brake lights. I needed that mini-heart attack like a hole in my head.

Wishing you lawsuits and lawyers!
Megs


Dear adorable old man with cane and fedora in Starbucks,

Thanks for being seen out in public reading a Nora Roberts book. I was running out of completely innocent and undeserving people to mock endlessly for their personal preferences.

Cruelly yours,
Megs


Dear employers and the game of chess,

Thank you for always ensuring that my self-esteem remains ever low. The way you constantly bring to light my failings and weaknesses keeps me "modest."  I would hate to ever believe that I am a reasonably intelligent and capable human being.

Humbly yours,
Megs

Perfect Fit ~ Van Morrison

Today as I was preparing to leave for work, I caught a news story on MSNBC, the gist of which was Abercrombie and Fitch would like Mike "The Situation" and other cast members from Jersey Shore to stop wearing their brand on television because it is going to ruin their brand image.

Ha!

I happen to think that A and F + Jersey Shore cast members = a perfect fit.

Proof:

Park Place Mall in Tucson has an A&F store. The store pumps their signature scent out of the store and so if you are within 10 yards of the store you can smell it. It is not an entirely bad scent. I just find this to be an inconsiderate and overly aggressive marketing ploy. What is the cast of Jersey Shore if not inconsiderate and overly aggressive?

I would never again darken the door of A&F. I did one time and I found a tank top I liked that ON SALE was still overpriced by about $30 and only came in a size that I am pretty sure was actually intended to be worn by a cabbage patch doll.  I would never again watch Jersey Shore. I watched 15 minutes of one episode once and was both bored and annoyed.

Most of what I know about both comes from media reports. Have you ever heard a good media report about either entity?

Sample A&F Media Stories:
Student with prosthetic arm awarded £9,000 after Abercrombie & Fitch 'banished her to stockroom'
Abercrombie & Fitch sells padded bikini tops to young girls
Abercrombie & Fitch settles racial bias case
ABERCROMBIE & GLITCH / Asian Americans rip retailer for stereotypes on T-shirts
Abercrombie & Fitch, Weight Watchers Make Corporate Responsibility 'Blacklist'
Virginia Beach police seize photos from Abercrombie store

Sample Jersey Shore Media Stories:
Jersey Shore boys' night out ends up with fighting in the streets of Florence
MTV's 'Jersey Shore' Garners Critics Over Use of Term 'Guido'
Police revoke Snooki's license
'Jersey Shore' cast member Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino dodges ticket from Belmar police
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino sues father









I rest my case.

Life as Art

I am D to the O to the N to the E! After two weeks of a very intense class, my brain has ceased functioning.

When functioning resumes, I imagine I will be back to blogging.

In the meantime, I suggest you find yourself a large gilded frame and download Hipstamatic to your iPhone.

Results may vary: