Glamour Magazine's By 30 List

This is from Glamour Magazine. I will now do a line by line review. My comments are in italics.

By 30, you should have:


One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
I have an ex husband and an ex boyfriend. It's not like I have a lot to choose from here.

A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
Does it count if you don't have a place to put it and keep it in pieces in your storage room?

Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
Done and done. Several times over.

A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
More than covered. Although I felt like I saw my favorite umbrella in pictures in New York. With Rita.

A youth you’re content to move beyond.
I DON'T WANNA GROW UP!! Sincerely, I am not overly fond of aging, but I don't want to go backwards either.

A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
Juicy past is just not my style.

The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO. Nein. Nyet. N to the O.

An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
Yup.

A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
I am pretty dang proud of my resume.

One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
In spades.

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
Oh crap. I am a failure!  I have a couple of screwdrivers and a black bra (lace free).

Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
I have bought ridiculously expensive things (Denzel) but I have never thought to myself that I am buying something for myself because "I deserve it." Kinda weird to me. I dunno.

The belief that you deserve it.
Again, kinda weird. I just don't feel like I have to "deserve" things I buy for myself. Why wouldn't I "deserve" it. Did I call myself a name or not share my toys with myself or what? Did I put myself on time out because I didn't clean my room?

A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
Failure! Failure! Failure!

A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.
Failure! Failure! Failure!

By 30, you should know:

How to fall in love without losing yourself.
ummmmmmm...............

How you feel about having kids.
ummmmmmm...............


How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
Quit a job? Check. The rest is a little sketchy.


When to try harder and when to walk away.
Not sure about this one.

How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
Yup.

The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
Shouldn't this say great-grandmotherS? Don't we all have like ummmm 4? And no to like, all of that.

How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
I worship and adore living alone. Alone, alone, ALONE. It is awesome.

How to take control of your own birthday.
If you don't celebrate it, this ceases to become a concern.

That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
Don't care. Don't care. Don't want to. Huh. Yeah. I mean all of that. That feels pretty good.

That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
Didn't they say this already?  And what kind of stories would I have to tell if it had been perfect?

What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
This statement makes me feel stabby. It just annoys me. Maybe it's too cliche or something?

That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
Also annoying. Even more annoying that I have to admit that the whole not flossing thing really has burned me...badly. But I really want to mutter like a sullen jerk: Really? I guess I shouldn't have JUST snorted all that coke then.

Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
You know what you should ACTUALLY know? That life is one big glob of grey goop. That the person you can count on for a laugh is maybe not the person that you can count on for $20 when you are desperate and that the person loaning you the $20 might not keep that secret you asked them to keep and the person who WILL keep the secret will not ever say the right thing at the right time. Peoples is peoples. And what you should know is that everybody makes mistakes, everybody has strengths and weaknesses and no one can be all things to all people or even just all things to you.

Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
Yes, but I also know to consider what will an apology cost me and what could it gain? If it costs me little and gains peace, why the heck not apologize? Maybe if I was standing in the other person's shoes I would want an apology too.

Why they say life begins at 30.
Then what have I been doing all this dang time?