Logic Has No Place Here. Defined.

Look up there at the top of my blog. Notice how it says, "Logic Has No Place Here."


Example: Yesterday my lower back started hurting in a moderately inconvenient manner. No other symptoms. I decided my kidneys were failing. I decided to research it on WebMD, but then I got scared and decided NOT to research it because I would rather just die blithely unaware of my impending death. Because, yes, I was pretty sure that my moderate lower back pain with no other symptoms was acute renal failure and I was also pretty sure that acute renal failure equalled dying in my sleep last night. My friends were mostly concerned about whether or not I had a will and how would my shoes be handled upon my death. I told them that before I went to bed last night I would pile all of my belongings together and put a sign on top that said, "May the fiercest of you win!" But then I was really tired so I decided that my friends would just have to work all of that out on their own.

Example: Today I took a very large bite peanut butter for lunch and it got lodged in what I can only guess is my esophagus. It was painful. I attributed it to the kidney failure. Even though a drink of water quickly solved the problem.

Example: Today I am involved in a rather vehement and decidedly one-sided argument with one of the plants that creates The Secret Garden. I feel that since it rained lately, the Texas Ranger should burst forth with little purple blooms. The Texas Ranger has yet to respond to this. Tall and silent type I suppose. I am not sure the plant is even called a Texas Ranger. But how thrilling is it to have a Texas Ranger outside your front door? I shall call him Chuck Norris.

Example: I listened to approximately 5 minutes of classical music + NPR like programming on the radio today because I thought it might improve my ability to complete crosswords. But just 5 minutes. That should be sufficient, right?

Example: About 45% of my blog traffic comes from the Ukraine. Hi Ukraine! This simultaneously thrills and scares me. What does the Ukraine want with my blog? Don't they know that my blog is a complete and utter waste of time? Ukraine, I don't know how you found me, but I apologize. Please don't base anything logical off of me. Ever.