Because This Is My Life.....

Otherwise entitled: No, your bun is not THE bomb, but it might be A bomb.

My hair had been thrown up in a bun whilst still wet. It was a small and practical bun. Not a blogger bun. If hairstyles equaled footwear, this was an old pair of New Balance Sneakers kind of bun.

I had been a little rushed in my packing and getting to the airport that day. So rushed that I failed to address the all important "am I wearing socks" factor that is vital to a restful airport security experience.

There I was. Barefoot. In an airport. Trying desperately not to dwell on the germaphobic, hypochondriac thoughts racing through my brain (flesh-eating bacteria). I became intensely focused on getting through the security and back into my shoes as soon as humanly possible.

As soon as this became my focus, I should have known that I would be stuck in security, barefoot, for awhile. Because this is my life.....

To start off this "only me" moment, the man in front of me was clearly not airport security savvy. There was the failed trip through the metal detector because he still had his belt on. And then the second failed attempt for his watch. And then I wanted to scream, "HELLO, BARE FEET OVER HERE! I AM CATCHING A DISEASE WHILE I WAIT!" But I did not and he made it through on his third try.

I stepped up to breeze through the easy peasy metal detector only to be motioned over to the line for the slower, less convenient full body x-ray scanner. Flesh-eating bacteria in my feet and cancer rays??? What a sweet day for my hypochondria! Also, why was I being singled out for the x-ray machine?

In line for the x-ray. Worried about bacteria and disease and cancer and invasion of privacy. And worried about someone stealing my laptop that easily made its way through security, while I did not. I watched the man in front of me go through the machine, it takes about 30 seconds and then he was released to travel. Not so bad. All in all about an extra minute and a half of bacteria exposure to my poor tootsies.

Except that after I go through the scanner I am NOT released to travel. Instead, a large male security agent stands at the end of the x-ray security lane, closes the end of the lane of with a rope, and blocks my exit. In case I decided to make a run for it? Did I need to make a run for it? Why is this happening to me while I am barefoot? Am I being considered a threat to security because only a lunatic would fail to wear socks at the airport? I think so. But no one feels compelled to explain it to me and I do not have the courage to ask.

I stand there blocked by the burly agent, gazing longingly at my laptop and praying for it's safety, not knowing if and when I will ever see it again, when a female agent comes up behind me and gropes my bun! My hair bun that is. No words.  Just one big invasive grope. She gives the burly agent a nod and I am released into the terminal.

I have never put my shoes on so fast in my life.

Life lesson: Wear socks and keep your hair down at the airport.