Because This Is My Life .... Now

The first bite of food to pass my lips today(not actually today) was after 8:45 PM.  

I did not realize I had not ate until about 7:30 PM. At 7:30 PM, I was still at my second job. There is no food at my second job. The more stressful the day, the longer I stay at my second job. It's a calm place.  I am left alone. I am allowed to work almost totally independently. My superior inserting herself only when she needs my help. After 5 PM, I am the only one in the building. I find it soothing, so I stay. Sometimes late.

On my drive home, I think about my grossly overdue library books. The towering to-do list from my two jobs and my side project. The dishes in need of washing. The clothes in need of washing and ironing. The desk covered in personal papers, bills and miscellaneous to-do lists. The thank you notes unwritten. And so on. 

As I turn into my neighborhood, I realize it rained and I missed it. I am instantly angry at myself for working so late. Not because it leaves my personal life disheveled and disorganized for yet another night, but because I was not at home on my patio enjoying the rain.

By 10:30 PM I am already ready to sleep. I reach over to turn off the light on my nightstand when I discover it has started to rain again. I throw my robe on over my pajamas and go out to the patio.

That is where I am now. On the patio. Listening to the rain. And writing this. Whatever this is. Definitely a first world complaint if nothing else.

A thought that has been running through my mind lately is based on a scene from the movie Mr. Holland's Opus. In the scene Mr. Holland is arguing with his wife about how he spends his time. She accuses him, among other things, of working on his own music compositions instead of spending time with their son. He yells in return, "My music? My music? When do I have time to write MY music?"

His point is that he is tied up in mundane necessary life things. He has no time to do the one piece of work he really wants to do.

I am constantly writing blog posts in my head. The one thing I want to be doing-writing for my own writings' sake-is the one thing I never have time to do. Or enough energy left over to do when the "priorities" are done.

The blog posts I manage here and there are posts I have been working on for ages. A minute here. A  second there. A hurried scribble.

I find myself spending hours discussing words for my day job. Sometimes internally only. Sometimes collaboratively.

For example:
Challenge?
Problem?
Obstacle?
Difficulty?
What is the connotation of each word? How does it make people feel? How does it sound with the other words chosen? Is it too formal? Not formal enough? Does it work? Does it fit the company/product/service? 

These types of conversations will take place over and over again. Needless to say, the thesaurus is now my dear friend.

I find myself daydreaming about words...

 "That word would sound lovely on my blog."

I have such big dreams. Dreams of expertly executed entries on this blog. Posts that laud some of my friends and the amazing work they are doing. Posts that have humor and life and interest and brownie recipes. Posts that have quality pictures and proper grammar. 

This will have to do.